Here we are, almost a week into 2019. Now, I’m not really one for New Years Resolutions. They tend to be spur of the moment ideals that we struggle to stick to. I am more one for goal setting, and this is something that I do personally throughout the year.
I’m not sure about everyone else, but I really struggled between the Christmas and New Year period because it didn’t seem to go fast enough. I wanted everything to be happening NOW! and I just wanted to achieve all of the things straight away. My head is clogged with all that I want to do and achieve, while also arguing with myself to calm the heck down! Be present, enjoy the moment, it is future Mel’s problem *exhale*
So I have been thinking about what I would like to achieve in 2019. A wise friend of mine who knew of my stresses sent me the following quote “Psychology says: Go with the choice that scares you most, because that’s the one that’s going to help you grow.” (unknown).
Fear is something that holds us back and something that is so individual. What seems like a totally rational fear to someone seems completely irrational to someone else. We are often fearful of the unknown, and of change. These things are scary because we don’t and can’t control everything that happens in our lives. Having said that, if we don’t take action we are stuck. At a stand still. Nothing happens and nothing changes as much as we wish it would. It all starts with us. With ourselves putting plans and changes into action no matter how big or how small.
My goal for 2019 is to face my fears and to step out of my comfort zone. I have done a lot of this over the last 2 years and have seen my life change dramatically, in the most positive way. However, I am also aware that fear is holding me back in particular areas of my life. For instance, I quit my job to pursue a completely different career where I am a business owner – whoa! when did that happen? and because of this massive change I have had to make sacrifices, particularly in my way of living. In relation to this fear, it is to make sure that I work hard. That I know at the end of each day I have done all that I can in order to ensure that my business is up and running and is growing, and that it is steadily going to be successful.
My other fear is dating. What even is that? I have compared myself to the likes of Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. A 30 – something – year – old, living in one of the most liveable cities in the world in search of true love. While I am surrounded with family and friends who are happily married, have children, or are in long term relationships, I’ve found myself over here not having a clue where to even begin! I have assessed my situation – while I do enjoy my own time and being at home, I am also quiet social – I go out to public places, I love going to cafes and restaurants, I love going on nature walks and to the beach, I go to a gym that has the biggest community feel you will ever come across and I go to meditation classes. What is my point? I put myself in situations where I met new people, where I am around people. However, I have still struggled to meet anyone on the romance front, or anyone that I would consider doing life with. Last year I attempted internet dating. I thought, well this is the way of the world, I will give it ago. Any time someone suggested that we meet up…I deleted my account (counterproductive, self sabotage right there). Why? Why did I do this?
1. Out of fear – fear of the unknown, fear of the person I would be meeting, media
2. It felt forced and unnatural – like scrolling through a catalogue, but instead of food or clothes…it was men.
3. Because this in not how I imagined my life to be – I imagined that I would just meet my own Ted Mosby by accident, through a friend, at a party, in a café….just not online.
So I’ve decided to face my fear. I have re-activated my account. I don’t have the expectation that I will meet “The One” online, but it will give me the opportunity to date again, to go out and get to know someone. Maybe I will make new friends out of it. Maybe it will help clarify exactly what it is that I want, and what I don’t want.
“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing anyway?” Ted Mosby.
So here is to 2019 – the year of growth, the year of facing fears!
May it be full of excitement, positive lessons and fun!
Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows
Mindful Mel xo