The moment you have all been waiting for has arrived! Part 2 of The Online Dating Chronicles! Be warned, they are not a juicy as the originals, maybe I’ve filtered through the riff raff, but don’t you worry, these apps are the gifts that keep giving all of the wrong things. Again, names and phone numbers (yes phone numbers – things have escalated people!) have been changed for privacy reasons.
Here is what else I have had to endure…
Oscar: “Gday Melissa, I just wanted to say hi and hope to have a chat with you. Hope to hear from u soon, cheers” (Then this keen bee wrote another message) “Hey Melissa, my number just to cut to the chase 123456789, thought it might be easier” (Listen up Master of Manipulation. I have the sneaky suspicion that YOU cut to the chase and not your number – I know, I’m a genius).
Peter: Hi Melissa. I think you’re beautiful and I like you. I hope you write back…(Friends…I did not write back)
Quin: “Hey Melissa, where are you coming from?” (Ahh…Mars?)
Rodger: “Hi Melissa. What keeps you awake like me?” (Oh! So many things! The difference between alpacas and llamas, what my dog thinks about when his watching the rain, if chickens had legs like giraffes…you know all the normal things)
Stanley: “Hi mel you look cute in the pics. I can feel a good vibe and a great energy from you. How’s your weekend going?” (Vibes and energy via no conversation…I don’t know…)
Timothy: “wow u are absolutely gorgeous” (Oh stop it! *insert eye roll*)
Uranus: “Hey morning hun x” (Umm have I missed something? Are we already in a relationship?)
Victor: “Hi there Melissa, how’s your Universe looking today? What sorts of adventures have you got planned for the month of March? Would you like to engage in a textual conversation that could potentially transform into a real-life conversation should the textual conversation satisfy both parties? (Whoa! WTF? Bahahahaha)
I think we all have to agree that Victor takes the cake this time around.
Now, I have some sad news for you all, but feel due to your loyal following and interest in my online dating chronicles that I need to explain that I have decided to jump off the online dating platforms. So far I have met a couple of men, and they have not worked out. I can’t stand the “ghosting,” the “catfishing,” the “spaghetting” (ok…I may have made that last one up, but surely it could become a thing?!). I understand that this is a normal part of the process, but I do feel it is impacting my emotional and psychological wellbeing in a negative way, so I think it is best that I look after myself in the best way that I can. I’ve given it a go, and while I do accept and acknowledge that so many people have successfully met and fell in love with someone they met online, I don’t think it is for me. So I am going to carry on, living my best life dating app free and see where life takes me.
I’ve never considered myself much of a ‘Sales’ woman. I’m not sure whether I was brought up to not trust sales people, or whether it comes from watching Harry Wormwood selling dodgy cars to the likes of Miss Trunchbull. The art of manipulation or the thought of being forced into purchasing something I didn’t particularly want made me nervous. I don’t want to be an Eskimo feeling forced into buying ice.
I was always of the opinion that if someone wants something they will buy it, if not, well they won’t and it’s no skin off anyone’s nose (apart from maybe the person trying to make the sale). However, in recent times I have realised that I do have the ability to sell things…and scarily enough…and I kind of don’t know if I like admitting it…I’m rather good at it. Now some of you might think – but Mel…you were in the debating team in high school, of course you can spin shite. My own Mother was astounded about the amount of Hogswash I would put into a persuasive essay.
I’ve come to the realisation that I have spent my whole adult career ‘selling’ things to people without even realising that was what I was doing! I spent 13 years working in Child Care Centres and Kindergartens. During my time I did many tours for prospective families, without consciously knowing it, taking families through the Centre and pointing out all of its highlights, was in fact ‘selling’ the service that we provided. I loved the Centres that I worked in so I was able to speak about the service that was provided in such a positive and enthusiastic light that it was infectious and encouraged families to return. Is that manipulative? I think not. If I didn’t believe in where I was working it would make the whole idea of selling the place difficult, almost impossible, but because I legitimately believed in those places it made it easier to make other people fall in love with it too.
I’m able to sell the gym that I go to. Why? Because I love it! I love everything about it! I’m coming up to my 2 year anniversary of joining the Gym and I still bang on about how good it is to anyone who will listen. It would be very difficult to sell just any gym to someone if I hadn’t stepped foot in it. Dragging your butt out of bed at 5am to go to the gym on a regular basis says something in itself – if I didn’t see results, if I didn’t feel physically or emotionally better, if I didn’t love the fact that it doesn’t matter if you are a beginner to exercise or an athlete to work out there, or the community feel that radiates from every aspect of the place, I wouldn’t be getting up that early now would I? I think not!
Now I have my own business, and of course there is an element of Sales. If you want people to come to you, you have to sell yourself. I am aware that I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that is totally fine and understandable. It comes with the territory. Again, if I didn’t believe in the benefits of massage and how they can assist so many people, it would be impossible to sell.
The moral of this story friends? If you are passionate about something, you can sell it. Find your passion – what makes you smile? What gets you excited? What do you like to talk about a lot? What do you find yourself doing in your spare time? You never know, you might encourage someone to start a hobby because of the love and enthusiasm you spoke about it with.
Have you got a hidden talent that you didn’t realise you had?
Mindful Mel xo
In this day and age we are instantly granted whatever we wish, particularly in the material sense. With the constant upgrade of technology we are doing things today that our Ancestors could have only dreamed of. We are able to shop online 24/7. You don’t have the money? Just apply for a credit card and that will take care of that! If we have a question we can just type it into good old Google and Ta-Da! The answer to our question is revealed. We have access to games, online where there is a reward of a finished product. If you can’t work it out you can look up ‘cheats’ to get to the next level, to increase how many ‘coin’s’ you have, and so on and so forth.
You no longer need to listen to the Hot 30 Countdown on the radio and tape your favourite songs onto a cassette tape. With the likes of Spotify, YouTube, Pandora and so many more you can listen to your favourite song over and over and over again until you are sick of it and you want to listen to something else.
However, there are still instances in life where you have to work towards what you want. You can’t just have that thing that you want in an instant. You have to work hard to get the job that you want, you might have to study, go through a whole key selection criterion while you are applying for jobs, and then go through a gruelling interview process. To save money for a holiday, a car, a house, or whatever else it is that you desire you have to get up and go to work, you have to carefully plan how much you need to put away to save for that desire.
Then there are relationships, they involve a process too. From communicating with someone, then maintaining the friendship like a garden. It needs to be tended to. It needs to be a 2 way street. If we go deeper and look at romantic relationships, they are different again. They take time to develop. You can’t just meet someone and the next day you are ready to walk down the aisle, planned the breed of your next dog, and named your future kids Asparagus and Dill. It takes time. Humans are complex creatures. To truly understand the in’s and out’s of someone you need to take the time to get to know them, by spending time with them, participating in a wide range of activities and purely just participating in everyday life. “As we get past our superficial material wants and instant gratification we connect to a deeper part of ourselves, as well as to others, and the universe” Judith Wright.
While we are becoming immune and expectant in getting what we want, we need to channel our inner patience and understand that good things, which we shouldn’t take for granted take time, persistence, work and patience.
“The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success” Maxwell Maltz.
For those of you who are not aware I am a qualified Kindergarten Teacher. I started my career working in a child care centre. I was one of those people who always knew what I wanted to “do” with my life and that was to work with children. While growing up I loved the idea of being a teacher, looking after the children and teaching them every day. I thought it would be the best job in the world. In some ways I still do. While I am in the midst of a career change, I still have a connection with children through my nieces, through my friend’s children and by continuing to work casually in Kindergartens and Child Care Centres.
If you have never watched a small child, I suggest you do. The way babies will giggle when playing a game of peek-a-boo, the way toddlers toddle around and get excited by a leaf, a stick or gravel that is on the path. They take the time to stop and look at their findings. They will pick it up and often with a big smile on their face they will show their Mum or Dad, proud of what they have discovered.
Those ‘A-Ha’ moments where a 3 year old has learnt how to do something for himself, or those moments where you see children being empathetic towards their peers because someone has broken their tower, or because they are missing their primary care giver.
There is a lot of information on connecting with your ‘inner child.’ Connecting with your inner child allows you to take time out from your busy schedule and ‘adult’ lives, and allows you to play. To re-discover the wonders of nature. I love the sound of gravel underneath my feet. I love autumn leaves and big oak trees. I love watching butterflies and dragonflies. Recently I swung on swings next to my niece (I couldn’t do it for too long – not coping well with motion sickness! Haha), but all the same I remembered how much fun it was just to swing.
There is a wonderful mediation that I did in a class once which was imagining meeting you as a child. What would you say to her? What would you want her to know? In her hand she is holding something and she gives it to you, it is something from your childhood – what is it? Give her a big hug and watch her drift away. It can be a confronting experience, but definitely one in which I recommend!
Take the time to get in touch with your inner child. You might feel ‘silly’ at first, but I can guarantee you will never feel more alive!
Sunshine, lollypops, autumn leaves and dragonflies,
Hi, my name is Melissa and I am addicted to my mobile phone.
Are you addicted to technology? More specifically your mobile phone?
I am constantly scrolling aimlessly through social media in search for…..who knows what? I have found that I do this when I am bored and procrastinating.
Whilst I believe our mobile phones have a time and a place I feel they are getting in the way of a number of fundamental things that occur in everyday life, and we are now facing issues that our Grandparents couldn’t even begin to imagine!
Socialising with friends on the weekend is often a group of people sitting at a table scrolling through their phones rather than speaking to each other. Phone calls are taken while going through the check-outs at the Supermarket and common courtesy seems to have gone astray.
Over the last 6 nights I was blessed to go on a Cruise with my family. One of the most fabulous things about being at sea was the lack of communication that I had with the outside world. I had no idea what was going on in the news, in the world of social media, and I generally had no contact with anyone here on land.
While this might be enough to send you into a panic – I felt a sense of freedom. I often left my phone in my cabin while I attended shows, bingo games, live music, or just sat out on the deck. I was present in all of my conversations with others – no interruptions. It was pure bliss. Some people may have lost their minds, and suffered serve anxiety at the inability to have constant access to the world, but for me it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Since returning to land, I have checked my emails, uploaded to social media, used it for business purposes, and sent numerous text messages. It’s funny how quickly you can revert to your old way of life.
Some of you may remember my past blog on mini challenges that I have set for myself throughout this year. One of those months (I will have to check which one) I am detoxing from technology and I honestly can’t wait! So much so that I am going to start a mobile free zone in between particular hours so that I can continue to practice being present, and to also stop procrastinating and get things done!
As February is coming to an end I wanted to reflect on Fitness Feb! The first 2 weeks I did exceptionally well! I trained hard, I took Teddy on walks and I pushed myself to my limits. The last week as I was away while I didn’t train as hard I used the stairs as much as I could on the ship. I went to a stretching class; I used the walking track and went to the gym. I’m very proud of my efforts and look forward to Minimisation March!
I hope this entry has helped you to reflect on your phone habits, and to reflect on your experience of Fitness Feb (for those of you who were joining me).
Until next week,
The Art of Online Dating, or is there? Is there an art to being successful in the realm of the internet dating sphere? Or just in dating in general?
I guess it all depends what it is that you are looking for online and what you determine as being successful. Is it how many hook ups you can have? Is it how many dates that you go on? Is it finding the man or woman of your dreams? Only you can decide what measures success for you.
However, I am here to clarify one thing and one thing only: The only way you can be successful in the dating world is by being yourself. Revolutionary, I know! (So far it’s worked out just great for me hahaha).
I’ve been on a couple of ‘dates’ (I believe that is what they are, although I prefer the term ‘Meet and Greet’s (on the first date that is), and the thing that I noticed is how different things can be in person vs behind the keyboard. You can be charming, witty, say all of the right things and appear to really ‘hit it off.’ The % rate of your compatibility is through the roof – all the signs of a match made in heaven! Then you meet, and it’s different. Maybe it’s different because based on all of the things that are outlined above you began to develop expectations. You started to think that maybe, just maybe the person you are going to meet could be the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Of course you stop yourself in your tracks so that you don’t get too far ahead of yourself, but in the back of your mind there is that irritating, annoying mosquito like voice buzzing “what if?” What if this is the beginning of the rest of your life?! *Mind in overdrive*
I think I have mentioned in a previous blog that I believe everyone enters your life for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” Everyone enters your life to teach you a lesson of some kind. It may be quick; such as talking to a stranger at a bus stop, it maybe for a little while – think of the people that you study or work with, and it might be for your whole life. People will slowly or quickly exit your life when you have learnt all that you can from each other. Sometimes the lessons will be evident, other times the lesson may not surface until later on. In the world of online dating you may chat to someone and the conversation just fizzles out, or you go on a date and realise someone isn’t for you and you discover why that is, which helps direct you onto the path of what it is that you are looking for.
I didn’t consider how being rejected would feel. I, of course went in with an open mind that I wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, nor would everyone be mine. Despite whether you like someone or not, being told that they are “just not into you” hits you hard and it hurts. Why? Because we are humans and we have emotions. That despite whether we were feeling it or not we do just long for a connection with someone, to be loved. Then there are other times where the feeling is mutual. You might get on like a house on fire, but there is no spark. Nothing to ignite a flame. When the feeling is mutual it is so much easier to accept! There is a sense of relief. Then you realise you are back at square one and starting all over again.
However, this is the world my friend and as my girl Kelly Clarkson once said “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and my other girl Ariana said “thank-you next.” It’s important to consider the lessons learnt, to not take it personally, that you are a goddess and one day someone will think of you and treat you in that exact way.
Stay tuned for more of the Online Dating Chronicles!
I’ve been reading the book ‘Ikigai’ written by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles. I highly recommend it. Ikigai is a Japanese concept in which they believe leads to a long and happy life. They discuss that ikigai involves having a life purpose. We all have one, it is just figuring out what it is. Ikigai is also about flow whereby you are completely absorbed in what you are doing that you have no concept of time, such as catching up with a good friend and talking for what feels like an hour, but turns out to be half the day. During that time together you haven’t worried about what you have to do later on, you are just enthralled in one another’s company. When I read about the concept of flow, whereby you are so immersed into what you are doing that time seemed to fly. You are 110% focused on the task at hand that no other thoughts enter. There is no dwelling on the past, or anxiety about the future. You are completely immersed within the present. I was taken back to a time where I was exactly like this. It was at the beginning of my career in child care. It was my happy place. From the moment I arrived at the centre any cares or worries that I had were left at the front gate, I would enter the premises and all that mattered for the 9 hours that I was there were those children. The time flew without me knowing where it had gone. I built beautiful strong relationships with the children and with their families. I felt like I had the best job in the world.
Fast forward 13 years and how much has that changed. Somewhere, for some reason I lost the passion, I lost my ikigai. Is it because I grew older and I had more responsibilities? Is it because of the increased use of technology and the ongoing need to be connected and multitask? Is it because we are on constant time restraints to fit in all of the things in the same 24 hours? Is it because my personal life turned upside down that I ended up suffering compassionate fatigue, where I just didn’t have the energy to care anymore? That last statement is very difficult to admit, and not one in which a lot of people will understand. Compassionate fatigue occurs in many careers where the primary role is to care, and I think when your own needs are not being met, and they are completely depleted it is very difficult to care for others when you are struggling to just care for yourself. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above as to why I lost my ikigai.
Now, your ikigai doesn’t have to be your job. It could be anything that you enjoy doing that allows you to be completely present. It could be a hobby – dancing, reading a good book, gardening, going out on a hike or a long walk, painting, volunteering at a nursing home, going surfing. Whatever it might be, do the things that make you forget about your past, and make you stop worrying about your future. Simply just be.
Do you have an ikigai?