The moment you have all been waiting for has arrived! Part 2 of The Online Dating Chronicles! Be warned, they are not a juicy as the originals, maybe I’ve filtered through the riff raff, but don’t you worry, these apps are the gifts that keep giving all of the wrong things. Again, names and phone numbers (yes phone numbers – things have escalated people!) have been changed for privacy reasons.
Here is what else I have had to endure…
Oscar: “Gday Melissa, I just wanted to say hi and hope to have a chat with you. Hope to hear from u soon, cheers” (Then this keen bee wrote another message) “Hey Melissa, my number just to cut to the chase 123456789, thought it might be easier” (Listen up Master of Manipulation. I have the sneaky suspicion that YOU cut to the chase and not your number – I know, I’m a genius).
Peter: Hi Melissa. I think you’re beautiful and I like you. I hope you write back…(Friends…I did not write back)
Quin: “Hey Melissa, where are you coming from?” (Ahh…Mars?)
Rodger: “Hi Melissa. What keeps you awake like me?” (Oh! So many things! The difference between alpacas and llamas, what my dog thinks about when his watching the rain, if chickens had legs like giraffes…you know all the normal things)
Stanley: “Hi mel you look cute in the pics. I can feel a good vibe and a great energy from you. How’s your weekend going?” (Vibes and energy via no conversation…I don’t know…)
Timothy: “wow u are absolutely gorgeous” (Oh stop it! *insert eye roll*)
Uranus: “Hey morning hun x” (Umm have I missed something? Are we already in a relationship?)
Victor: “Hi there Melissa, how’s your Universe looking today? What sorts of adventures have you got planned for the month of March? Would you like to engage in a textual conversation that could potentially transform into a real-life conversation should the textual conversation satisfy both parties? (Whoa! WTF? Bahahahaha)
I think we all have to agree that Victor takes the cake this time around.
Now, I have some sad news for you all, but feel due to your loyal following and interest in my online dating chronicles that I need to explain that I have decided to jump off the online dating platforms. So far I have met a couple of men, and they have not worked out. I can’t stand the “ghosting,” the “catfishing,” the “spaghetting” (ok…I may have made that last one up, but surely it could become a thing?!). I understand that this is a normal part of the process, but I do feel it is impacting my emotional and psychological wellbeing in a negative way, so I think it is best that I look after myself in the best way that I can. I’ve given it a go, and while I do accept and acknowledge that so many people have successfully met and fell in love with someone they met online, I don’t think it is for me. So I am going to carry on, living my best life dating app free and see where life takes me.